The Poverty in Mother Culture

This is the story I want to tell you that happened on the train recently.

I traveled with 2 of my kiddos. (10&7) We took the Amtrak from St. Louis to Chicago. It was a first time for us so we were all a little nervous. We arrived to the train station and there was only one other family looking like they were also about to board the train. So we nestled in line next to them. We had some time to wait and I could tell the younger boys were circling around each other inviting one another to play. I tried to make eye contact with the mom to let her know it was okay with me to allow them to talk. She wouldn’t look at me. 

The boys played and contained themselves pretty well—all things considered. We began to board the train and it was pretty empty so I kept close to the family in hopes if boredom set in, the boys would find each other again. 

I continued to catch this off-putting vibe like she was almost annoyed that I was sorta following her. I gathered from what the boy shared, they were en route to Mexico. They spoke a little Spanish and a lot of English. 

The trip is 6 hours and luckily most of the kids handled it quite well. The last 45 mins, everyone could sense our trip was coming to a close. And the mom and the young boy started walking down the aisle. The train shuffled and the boy and the mom fell flat onto the floor. I found out later he was becoming car sick and was concerned about vomiting. When they fell, the mom fell on top of the boy and he vomited and lost his little toe nail. His ankle was pretty banged up too. 

Immediately, I jumped up and started gathering supplies—paper towels, the first aid kid that happened to be near our seats. I bent down to hand her these things and said, “here, mama. I’ve got you.” 

She looked up at me. And this look is seared into my mind. I will never forget her face for the rest of my days. It was this look of panic, terror, and relief. 

I worked with her other child to retrieve a water bottle and help her get him up. She just kept saying, “I’m going to start crying!!” And I looked at her in the same way a hand would have touched hers and said, “I would be crying too. Your baby is hurt. And you feel responsible even though you’re not. Go ahead and cry.” 

And she wouldn’t allow herself. 

The more I leaned in, the more she closed up. I helped her get assistance so he could get a wheelchair and some ice. And gave her my goodbyes and good lucks. And asked if I could do anything else. She said thank you and no. 

And I can’t stop thinking about her. And her son. And my prayers for them making it on to Mexico. And it’s just such a tangible experience in the poverty of our mother culture. She didn’t feel she could relax around another mother who connects on the fact that we all love our babies and that we all want the best for them and each other. 

Over the last few years, I’ve traveled quite a few underworld journeys. From loosing my parents, to the pandemic, and more.. my relationship with my feminine has appeared as deeply wounded and accessing her is part of the healing. I’m not talking about gender. The softer sides of each human needs to be felt. And in these weird times, I have a suspicious the dark feminine is rising to be seen and felt. The feminine should be felt with deep sensation. The feminine energy feels at home within the muddy, raw, moist, dark spaces. The feminine is mothering. And we’re all mothers in some capacity. Babies, animals, plants, ideas, businesses, etc.. We all have parts of us that want to mother and need mothering. 

I have felt this instant connection with other moms at the park or whatever. Or when we had to ask another mom for a diaper last week during a concert. There was no shame for running out of diapers—just absolute understanding. 

But this train experience felt unique like I needed to feel that awkwardness because that’s what a lot of mothers are feeling. Stuck. Disconnected. And siloed. It’s left me w more questions than answers but my hope is with time more will be revealed.

I’ve started asking myself, what would the world be like if Mothers felt nourished and supported? What would it be like if we came together to connect and support each other. Do you know what I came to? It would feel like resistance. It would feel like transformation. To feel caught by a network of trust and love.

This is the efforts we put in Mother Circle, to create and build a more sustainable Mother Culture.

Join the movement to experience and feel moving through motherhood with connection and presence. Register to join me on June 10, 2024 for an hour of exploration.

This was written and experienced by Sara Newberry, LMT. If you want to hear and see more about these musings. Stay tuned.